John is no longer friends with [Facebook User].

OK, it doesn't really say that. But, it probably should...

Dear [ex-friend]... So thanks for being my Facebook Friend for the past few weeks. I've read your statuses (sorry you are feeling so sick - TMI BTW), and looked at your profile. I've looked at all your pictures of vacations, relatives, and your dog. I've taken your quizzes and licked your lollipop. I've been hit by your virtual food fight, drunk your virtual drinks, and your virtual coffees. It's all good. I mean - it's not you, it's me... and I am pretty sure you're just not that into me either. After all, we really don't know each other. We've never met and live thousands of miles apart... I am pretty sure the only things we have in common are Facebook, and the fact that I once saw a dog like yours. So, don't take this the wrong way, but you're clogging up my friends list and my status feed and I think its time we broke it off. You're just not adding any value to my FB experience. We're both adults (if your age on your profile is actually true) so I think we can safely move on with our digital lives now.

It's been fun, so have a nice life. And, if you really really need to be my friend, you know where to find me. Right here, trapped - in Facebook.